COMMUNITY: People Base -- Winning With Others

Everything Revolves Around Relationships

By Pastor Tim Hodge

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians we find a transitional word in chapter 6 verse 10. As Paul gears up to share revelation concerning the armor of God he says, “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.” This word “finally” is important because what it literally means in its original Greek tense is this: ‘once you have mastered what I have just written about then you can be empowered by God and walk victoriously in His armor.’ Because of this pivotal meaning of this transitional word we are warranted to see “what” it was that Paul was saying we must have in order. Putting our reading of the passage in chapter six into reverse and going back to chapter 4, 5, and the preceding verses of chapter six we see Paul is talking about relationships.

Ephesians 4:24-32 deals with how to communicate and deal justly in relationships. Ephesians 5:19-6:9 deals with husbands, wives, children, parents, employees, and employers… all of these in how to submit, love, communicate, and deal justly in our relationships. The Holy Spirit wants us to know that we can have on the armor of God, but as long as there are weaknesses and flaws in our relationships then we are susceptible to defeat. It matters not how wonderful you can sing, pray, witness, teach, minister to the needy or whatever -- as long as your relationships are waning so will your spiritual walk. You can jump through all types of spiritual hoops, but if your relationships in your home are in disarray I submit to you that the smell of defeat is permeating the air of your house.

FACTS:

	A survey was taken and 80% of American wives complained, “My husband does not talk to me.”
	It has been stated that 100% of the people seeking professional help for their marriages have problems with communication.

Communication is more than speaking – it involves listening. Listening allows the hearer the ability to lend significance to the speaker. When someone is talking the one doing the listening simply needs to more often be quiet and pay close attention to the speaker. I have learned in communication that I have a lot to say. Yet, I learned and disciplined myself years ago to hold my comments and intently listen to the person talking to me. Some people feel they “have” to say something. In fact, some people are going to say what comes to mind or they’ll burst. No one else can get a word in edge-wise because they won’t slow down long enough or keep interrupting with their on-going comments. I tend to feel that such people really have very little substance in what they have to say; therefore, they feel like if they say a lot of something then their little bit of substance will be compounded. This is not necessarily true.

When communicating with someone give him or her your full attention. Don’t nod your head in approval or disapproval to the person talking to you while your eyes are riveted to the television. Direct your attention to the person speaking to you. Make them feel significant because you will give them your undivided attention. Remember that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do in talking to someone is REALLY LISTEN to them.

3 T’s of Relationship

1. Time

One of the greatest things you can do for someone you are in relationship with (a spouse, child, parent, friend, sister, co-worker, etc) is sincerely invest time into them. It has been said that “TIME” is the greatest commodity of our day. Relationships need the investment of time. Time to travel next door, across town, across the state, or across the country. Take time to INVEST into your relationships.

2. Talk

A relationship simply will not survive without healthy communication. The Bible says the life of the body is found in the blood. I have often stated the communication is the “blood” of a relationship.

3. Touch

I am not referring to a sensual type of touch here, but an orderly type of acknowledgment. A genuine, non-sexual TOUCH is a critical component that has bee lost in a sea of immorality and selfish pursuits. There has to be the shaking of hands, the hugging of necks, pats on the back, etc. These really have to be limited and censured between the opposite sex (except in marriage); yet, there has to be a physical touch. When you touch someone it acknowledges their significance. One of the greatest things about Jesus was that He was always touching people. It did not matter if they were sick with communicable diseases or they were the scourge of society… He would touch them.

When we touch someone there is a spiritual release and a natural release in their lives. In your body there are neurotransmitters known as “endorphins”. Endorphins are neurotransmitters found in the brain that have pain-relieving properties similar to morphine. Scientists have found that at the human touch the level of endorphins released in the brain actually increases. I also believe there is an emotional and spiritual release in someone’s life when you touch them.

RELATIONSHIPS CAN CHANGE THE ATMOSPHERE

If someone is mad, irritable, bitter, or offended in your home doesn’t it change the whole atmosphere? I have had people comment how there seems to be more chaos and bickering in their home on Sunday mornings than at any other time of the week. Is that coincidence? I don’t think so. I feel relationships come under stress-filled diabolical attacks that attempt to hinder the atmospheres of the churches these people are on their way to.

Atmosphere can either help or hinder the productivity of a group of people. A Japanese firm did a series of studies on offices that worked with data entry. First, they injected the scent of lavender into the air system and found the keystroke errors decreased by 21%. Next, they experimented with the scent of Jasmine and found the errors decreased to 33%. In the final test they tried the scent of lemon and found the errors to be eradicated by 54%. Atmosphere does affect productivity. When relationships are in order in a home there is a sense of peace about it. When the relationships are in disarray the atmosphere of the home is spiritually darkened and it is evident.

ACQUAINTANCES Vs. RELATIONSHIPS

An acquaintance is a less intimate friend. You can work with someone, go to church with someone, maybe even play on the same team with someone and all they remain to you is an acquaintance – a less intimate friend. You may never grow to know what they like or dislike, where they’re from, their dreams, their strengths and/or weaknesses. A relationship is deeper than that. A relationship is where people are knit together at heart.

Biblically, there are some acquaintances that you have that cannot be any more than that. Note 2 Corinthians 6:14a from the Amplified Version, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]….” This passage is often used when a Christian is emotionally involved and contemplating marriage to an unbeliever. However, this verse, in context, is not referring to marriage, but relationships as a whole. We can have acquaintances with unsaved people, but we should not foster intimate relationships with unbelievers. We are to do things with unbelievers that they can see our lives and experience our wordless witness, but we can’t be bosom buddies with them.

SOME RELATIONSHIPS ARE “TILL DEATH DO US PART”

I believe marriage is, of course, a life-long relationship. Parental relationships and other family relationships are lifelong too. Yet there are some relationships that will last for life like David and Jonathan. These guys had a unique man-to-man relationship in which they shared parts of their souls with one another that they didn’t even share with their wives. Don’t freak out! This was nothing sexual so don’t go homophobic. It was a relationship that, unless you’ve ever been in it with someone of the same sex that your heart was knit to you simply can’t understand it. Twice the scriptures state the Jonathan loved David “as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:3, 20:17). This was a divine connection between two men that last till death. Jonathan was actually ready to surrender his future kingship to David.

I once had a friend like this. We would hunt, fish, play basketball, do ministry together, and just hang out. He was a friend like no other I’ve ever had. Almost six years ago, from the time of this writing, my friend – my Jonathan – died a spiritual death. He turned his back on wife, family, God, and myself. Sin is a terrible thing that waits at the doorways or men’s lives for the right opportunity to devour. Still today when I think of him my eyes fill with tears. For seven years he was a true Jonathan. In fact, I am persuaded my moving away from the area had such an affect on him that he played in the hands of the enemy of his soul through grief. He felt my relocation was an ending of our friendship. But to Davids and Jonathans a world of space could not sever the ties that hold their hearts together. One of the last heart to hearts my Jonathan and I had was a time of crying and my attempt to console him in the fact that I had to follow God’s leading or the time of my life. He opened his Bible and read to me the story of David and Jonathan to me and between sobs said, “I wanted to be that to you.” What he didn’t realize is that is exactly what he was.

When I heard of his moral failure and turning from God my heart was broken and I mourned for the longest time. Probably still do.

SOME RELATIONSHIP ARE “TILL DESTINY DO US PART”

God is a seasonal God. He works in seasons. He created seasons. We can see this in spring, summer, fall, and winter. This is the way He made the earth so that the plant life could purge itself and remain fruitful for mankind. God also works in spiritual seasons in our lives. Our relationships are often caught up in these seasonal transitions.

There are some that will only last for a season or a few seasons like Philip and the Ethiopian Eunich. Their destinies crossed for a certain period of time. When the task was finished it was time to move on. I don’t mean to sound cold, but every relationship in our lives will not last forever. That is just a fact. One of our problems in relationships is that we try to make them last past their “expiration date.” Relationships are intended to LIFT us to new levels. Some of our present relationships are not lifting us, but holding us back.

Each life can be looked at as a great highway system. Some are interstates destined for big things and some are rural roadways who will not accomplish as much in life, but will still be productive. Sometimes little highways intersect, run tangent to, and even overlap the great interstates. They only do this for a short while before the two roadways have to part and go the separate ways of their design. In seasonal relationships we have to part ways at some point. We continue to love one another. We may exchange Christmas cards, but we’re not together as much and not doing things together like we were. Destiny took a turn for one and the other kept on the same path. Don’t regret those times when the roadways of life part. Celebrate the times they were together and then look up the road because some new lanes will come into view. They are your future. They are the next level.

SOME RELATIONSHIPS YOU ARE NOT READY FOR

There are some relationships in your life that will come into play in your future that you are not ready for now. There will be people of greater influence in your future that you may be around on a daily basis, but they don’t even recognize your existence or significance. In 1 Samuel 16 we find that David was king Saul’s armorbearer. An armorbearer was the #1 servant who was constantly with his master. Jonathan was Saul’s #1 son. The #1 servant had to have been in the presence of the #1 son from time to time, but Jonathan didn’t even recognize David.

In 1 Samuel 17 something dramatic happens in David’s life. He kills the giant. He started out the day as a delivery boy for his dad, but ended the day as the deliverer of Israel. When all the hoopla was over we find David being brought before king Saul and presenting him with the head of Goliath. Note these words of 1 Samuel 18:1, “ After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself”(NIV). Jonathan had heard David talk before. Why wasn’t his spirit moved then? Was it just because David killed a giant? I don’t think so. I think David had a release of anointing in his life that matched the effort of his challenge and that propelled David to a higher level of influence. When he spoke now he was the David who was recognized as a man of significance and destiny.

There are some challenges in our lives that we often feel are about to destroy us. Yet, if we could see behind the scenes we would see God was actually releasing a greater level of anointing in and through our lives to meet the level of the challenge at hand. When our giants fall people will see us as they’ve never seen us before. If we want to have relationships with people on a higher plane of authority and influence then we had better start attacking the lions, bears, and giants of our lives and not just settle with the job at hand.